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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Three Times Better

Username:  Nass2011

Tagline:  Made in Europe, 100% Original :P

The Message:

Hey Liz!!

I feel like im fishing in my backyard, there is no fish, WHATTA HELL lol :P

Some girls make their profile sound like "US" guys are applying for a government job, come on, 'get out out of here', if you are that perfect you wouldnt be here.... :)

Im sarcastic at times, so if you can’t take sarcasm and jokes then we won’t get along….

I can guarantee that I'll treat you the way you deserve to be treated! If you treat me well, I'll treat you 3 times better

I hate to state the fact that a lot of people on this website are weird. I wish there was some sort of a detector (something like norton internet security) to disallow these weird ppl on my site..lol 

I am not going to spoil anything for you, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask, i dont bite (without your consent) lol :)


My Response:

Dear Nass2011,

Thank you for your revealing and honest message.  

It's really lovely to hear from a person who has such strong opinions about the online dating world.  You are not alone, my new friend!  I tend to agree that there are some bizarre personalities swimming around on Plenty of Fish, and I really appreciate your forward thinking in regards to installing a "weird people detector".  Your suggestion for "something like Norton Internet Security" was especially brilliant.  

I'm interested to learn more about your comment stating that online dating makes you feel like "US" guys are applying for a government job, come on, get out out of here".  I can understand how you might feel like you have a gun to your head when women ask you things like "what do you do for a living?" or "I read on your profile that you have a graduate degree - what did you study?".  But comparing it to applying for a government job?  You couldn't be more on target!  The amount of men that won't talk to me because I'm not fluently bilingual is absurd.  Finally, someone who understands!

I'm also curious in exploring how you plan to calculate treating women three times better than they treat you.  Are you going to take note of each act of kindness bestowed upon you and multiply it by three?  Seriously.  I'm keen to learn how you plan to organize and execute this guarantee.  

One more thing!  I couldn't agree more with your comment about "I feel like im fishing in my backyard, there is no fish, WHATTA HELL lol :P".  Just kidding.  I have no fucking idea what you're talking about, and judging by the blank look in your eyes, I would assume that you don't either.  

With jealousy on how amazing you are :P, 


P.S.  Back to this whole you having a Graduate Degree (as read in your profile).  There is just no way.  I'm sorry.  It is just not possible.

Friday, August 19, 2011


Username:  koolkevinkool

Tagline:  Big Bang Theory made nerds look sexy :)

Subject:  Hey you!!!

hey Liz..how are you doing? I liked your profile..nice & short :) You sound like an honest & fun person..good to hear that u like to bake cuz as they say the best way to reach a man's heart is through his stomach haha

I am looking for a trustworthy down-to-earth girl..checkout my profile and if it strikes your fancy, please drop me a line and feel free to interview me..lol..i would love to start with you as friends & take it from there..btw does Liz likes to go shopping?? lol

My response:

Dear koolkevinkool,

Thank you for your message.  I always get excited to open up a message where someone has shown so much enthusiasm in the subject-line.  Three exclamation points?  Appreciated, and necessary.

It was sweet of you to comment on the length of my profile and that you enjoyed it's brevity.  I have to confess, I (like you), suffer from a short attention span and checked out your profile pictures before I finished reading your message.

I have to tell you, KKK (koolkevinkool), I was instantly struck by the obvious passion that you have for your Honda Civic.  Not only did you post numerous photos of the car itself on your profile, but I especially like the ones that feature you posed infront of it.  It's endearing.

Ok!  Back to me.  To answer your question "btw does Liz like to go shopping?? lol".  KKK, Liz does like to go shopping.  Funnily enough, I read in your profile that you like to go shopping on your first dates.  Normal.

Here's what I suggest:  You pick me up in your beloved Civic, we'll hit up the Dufferin Mall (maybe a little food court action), and then we'll find you a shirt that doesn't give people cataracts when light is reflected off of it.

Looking forward to it.



P.S.  Thanks for your comment on my baking.  I specifically put that in my profile to see how many dumbass dickbags use that cheese line of "way to a man's heart is his stomach".  You were the first.  Congratulations KKK!